Editor’s Note: This multi-disciplinary collaborative artwork includes descriptions of child sexual assault.
When I sleep and dream of my earliest memories I am five
I can’t see myself at all but I look down and my hands are bleeding
So now we are in my dream and I think I am a five year old girl
my hands are so sore, they are swollen around the knuckles
and then I remember this is my earliest memory, and it is made up of only three senses
taste, touch, then come the sounds
hearing in my dreams your dry lips smacking, pulling your spit in and down your throat from the corners of your mouth, cause you are panting now
drooling like a dog that’s ill and when you are finished with me, neither of us have anything to say
maybe you were ashamed too
now we are in my dream
I am calm and still able to forget but my hands are covered in sweat, heavy knuckles
causing my arms to feel tired and wrists to fall limp
I’m weakened by my heavy hands
When I dream of my earliest memories I am five and I can tell
Since I don’t yet know how to properly clean underneath my nails
So pieces of you stay there, your oily skin, rancid breath, your dominance
your assault
These pieces of you stay there and slowly rot my hands
All of me that’s left is swelling quickly, my hands no longer my weapons
I’ve absorbed you now completely and the pain has moved from my fallen fingers to my chest and when I breath I can taste your attack
The memory of you reverberates in my lungs like common congestion
But what is now living off of my breath and common
Images: Eva Wo
Words: Lux Plastic
Eva Wo (Instagram: @snaxho_) is a queer mixed race photographer, videographer and curator born in New Mexico and based in Philadelphia. Her current projects include an ongoing queer/trans/nonbinary photo series AFTERWARDS, and organizing the annual Hot Bits XXX Film Festival, Philly’s only queer porn festival. Her work centers and creates visibility for queer, trans, and nonbinary folks, particularly those who do not see representations of themselves in media, and those who have been made to feel invisible and marginalized. Through artistic facilitation and space creation she develops transformative visuals that answer to the vital need for images of queer liberation.
Lux Plastic (they/ themme) is a non binary femme, visual artist, and self identified air head, creatively centered in still image, performance and video. They seek healing through the resexulization of their body post assault, to create positive associations, comfort and sensitivity. By existing in cyberspace, they are lent the tools of emotional mutation.
