3MM

When your cold blade touched my naked neck for the first time
a shiver overcame my scalp, my spine
the thin fine hair that covers my body erected all at once
it stood up, stood still for seconds
as if it wanted to wave goodbye to its counterpart growing on my head

with 21 I shaved the back and sides of my head for the first time
of course it was a hair trend (and still is 4 years later)
and that might weaken my words when I say
that I felt some kind of freedom and strength as soon as I saw my hair falling on my shoulders,
slipping to the ground to make space for a field of 3mm stubbles
but it doesn’t weaken the seething contradictions in my stomach that I surely felt
when I left my save sphere and entered the outside world

presenting my bare head seemed to fascinate and offend people
hair defines you
or you define hair
within a few moments I had turned from ‘a girl with a short hair-do’
to whatever my opponent wanted to see in me
which mostly seemed to be
a (hardcore) lesbian
a wannabe punk
a potential skinhead
an asexual human being
too much of a boy
too less of a girl
the list goes on,

and so does the shaving